Explore forgiveness through real-life stories

Rooted in the belief that stories have the power to transform how we see ourselves and connect with others, we share restorative narratives—real-life accounts of people and communities rebuilding after hardship.

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Forgiveness FAQ

Explore forgiveness through real-life stories

Rooted in the belief that stories have the power to transform how we see ourselves and connect with others, we share restorative narratives—real-life accounts of people and communities rebuilding after hardship.

Listen, watch and dive deeper

Whether you enjoy listening to podcasts, watching videos, or developing specific skills, our website has something for you.

Listen, watch and learn

Whether you enjoy listening to podcasts, watching videos, or developing specific skills, our website has something for you.

Listen, watch and learn

Whether you enjoy listening to podcasts, watching videos, or developing specific skills, our website has something for you.

Listen, watch and dive deeper

Whether you enjoy listening to podcasts, watching videos, or developing specific skills, our website has something for you.

Listen, watch and learn

Whether you enjoy listening to podcasts, watching videos, or developing specific skills, our website has something for you.

Listen, watch and learn

Whether you enjoy listening to podcasts, watching videos, or developing specific skills, our website has something for you.

Listen to the F Word Podcast

The F Word Podcast examines the complex, messy, gripping subject of forgiveness.

In each episode Marina Cantacuzino, founder of The Forgiveness Project, talks to a guest who despite having experienced great pain or trauma in their life has found a way through.

Watch short films, lectures and conversations

Watch experts, creatives, and our storytellers share their experiences and perspectives on forgiveness.

Our video library features short films, lectures, panel discussions, and conversations covering a wide range of topics—including the unforgivable, grief, revenge, and compassion.

Some videos include British Sign Language (BSL).

Explore the process of forgiveness

Forgiveness might seem like a mystery at times, but it’s also a set of skills anyone can learn.

In collaboration with academics from the US and UK, we developed two toolboxes to help individuals and communities transform the impact of harm and loss.

These toolboxes are grounded in the real experiences of people who have moved beyond personal trauma.

Listen to the F Word Podcast

The F Word Podcast examines the complex, messy, gripping subject of forgiveness.

In each episode Marina Cantacuzino, founder of The Forgiveness Project, talks to a guest who despite having experienced great pain or trauma in their life has found a way through.

Listen to the Podcast

Watch short films, lectures and conversations

Watch experts, creatives, and our storytellers share their experiences and perspectives on forgiveness.

Our video library features short films, lectures, panel discussions, and conversations covering a wide range of topics—including the unforgivable, grief, revenge, and compassion.

Some videos include British Sign Language (BSL).

Watch videos

Explore the process of forgiveness

Forgiveness might seem like a mystery at times, but it’s also a set of skills anyone can learn.

In collaboration with academics from the US and UK, we developed two toolboxes to help individuals and communities transform the impact of harm and loss.

These toolboxes are grounded in the real experiences of people who have moved beyond personal trauma.

View toolboxes
books

Read thought-provoking books that delve into forgiveness

Marina Cantacuzino MBE is an author, broadcaster, podcaster and peace activist.  In 2004, after working for 15 years as a journalist, and in response to the invasion of Iraq, she founded The Forgiveness Project.

Since then Marina has athored and co-written three books on the subject of forgiveness. Click the button below to browse our book shop.

books

Read thought-provoking books that delve into forgiveness

Marina Cantacuzino MBE is an author, broadcaster, podcaster and peace activist.  In 2004, after working for 15 years as a journalist, and in response to the invasion of Iraq, she founded The Forgiveness Project.

Since then Marina has athored and co-written three books on the subject of forgiveness. Click the button below to browse our book shop.

questions and dilemmas

Frequently asked questions about forgiveness

Forgiveness is a deeply contested concept. Depending on the context, it can either enable ongoing harm or become a key to healing. Some people are drawn to it; others feel hurt or offended by the very idea. After 20 years of work, here are some of the things we have learned about forgiveness.

In any discussion about forgiveness and reconciliation, it’s important to distinguish between the two.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciling with the person who caused harm. There may be valid reasons for choosing not to reconcile—safety, trust, or personal boundaries, for example. Reconciliation is an additional step, not a requirement.

At the same time, it is often difficult—if not impossible—to genuinely reconcile with someone unless some level of forgiveness has taken place.

In short, forgiveness doesn’t automatically lead to reconciliation. You can forgive someone without renewing the relationship or staying in contact with them.

Read Ray’s story

Read Magdeline’s story

Questions and dilemmas:

  • Should forgiveness be demanded or forced for the sake of the greater good?
  • Is it our moral duty to forgive—as a sign of being a “good” or selfless person?
  • What impact does it have when forgiveness is rushed or expected?
  • What are the consequences of judging others for how forgiveness unfolds in their lives?

What we have learned:

Forgiveness is a deeply personal choice—and it’s not the right path for everyone. In fact, expecting or pressuring someone to forgive can cause further harm, re-victimising them and adding layers of guilt.

Read Margot’s story

Read Jasna’s story

Forgiveness is rarely a simple or easy step, or a single gesture. It is often a longer-term, non-linear, and ever-changing process. One day, forgiveness might visit you, and the next, you may be flooded with anger all over again.

For some, forgiveness includes a significant milestone or defining moment—a point where resentment, hatred, or anger transform, leaving them feeling lighter, as if a heavy burden has been lifted from their shoulders.

Read Mary’s story

Read Kemal’s story

Forgiveness does not exclude a passionate or painful response to being hurt, or to witnessing others being hurt.

Anger, sorrow, rage, and despair are all part of the process—and may even serve as the launching pad for forgiveness.

Essentially, forgiveness doesn’t mean endlessly replaying past grievances. Rather, it is the ability to live with the hurt without being held captive by it; it means refusing to be defined by those who have harmed us and not being broken by our own victimhood.

Read Desmond Tutu’s story

Read Brenda’s story

Read Christopher’s story

Certain acts or behaviors—such as murder, child abuse, or war crimes—are considered unforgivable by many. And yet, some individuals do choose to forgive even these. Whether an act is deemed unforgivable often depends on the individual’s disposition, values, and personal journey.

Some say they cannot forgive because they don’t know who is responsible for the harm. In other cases, the harm was done to a family or community member, and people may feel it’s not their place to forgive on someone else’s behalf.

Importantly, even if you consider an act unforgivable, that doesn’t mean you are destined to live the rest of your life in bitterness, hatred, or resentment. Many people choose not to use the word ‘forgive’ at all. Instead, they describe their experience as letting go, making meaning, softening, understanding, or shifting their focus.

Read Vladimir’s story

Read Mary’s story

Read Sammy’s story

Read Michael’s story

Forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean accepting or justifying harmful actions. You can forgive someone and let go of resentment while still condemning the act and setting firm boundaries.

Read Camilla and Jon’s story

Read Geoff’s story

Read Ruchi’s story

Forgiveness is for you, not for the person who hurt you—you are under no obligation to forgive for their sake. Forgiveness can be a form of self-healing that doesn’t depend on the person who caused the harm in any way.

Read Jean Paul’s story

Read Eva’s story

No, you are not a bad person for not being ready to forgive. Everyone moves at their own pace, and when rushed, forgiveness is rarely genuine—or safe. Some people even come to regret forgiving too soon.

Genuine forgiveness often arrives unexpectedly—it simply shows up one day. While you can work toward it, trying to force it may not support your well-being.

Read Gertrude’s story

Read Wael’s story

Read Satta Joe’s story

There are many instances when people find themselves in a difficult situation: someone has hurt them, but their pain has never been acknowledged, and no apology has been offered.

This can happen for various reasons. The person who caused the harm might be unreachable—perhaps they don’t want to be contacted, or they’re legally prohibited from doing so. Even if contact were possible, they may not be capable of showing remorse or willing to apologize. In some cases, the person who caused harm may no longer be alive.

When considering whether you absolutely need an apology in order to forgive, it may help to reflect on the distinction between unilateral and bilateral forgiveness.

Unilateral forgiveness requires nothing in return. It is an act of generosity on the part of the person who was harmed. The motivations for this kind of forgiveness can vary: it may arise from compassion for the one who caused harm, a desire to free oneself from ongoing pain, or a practical need to move forward.

Bilateral forgiveness, on the other hand, involves an exchange. It’s a relational or even contractual process between individuals or groups, often dependent on an apology, acknowledgment, or expression of remorse. This form of forgiveness is closely tied to justice, as it involves the paying—or acknowledgment—of a social or moral debt.

Some people who choose to forgive recognize that not all wrongdoers are capable of taking responsibility. In many cases, the person who caused harm may be too consumed by shame or denial to offer a genuine apology. In other words, waiting for remorse may mean waiting forever.

Read Bassam’s story

Read Irina’s story

There isn’t one correct way to forgive; in fact, while there might be some shared elements among people’s journeys, each of us has our own personal approach and pace.

Read Shad’s story

Read Thordis’s story

Read Mathew’s story

This will depend on a couple of things, including the nature of the hurt, the quality of your relationship with the other person, and what you are comfortable with doing or trying out.

On the one hand, forgiving an act that merely annoys or briefly frustrates you—which can happen on a daily basis—sometimes comes down to evaluating what you are able and willing to let go of, no matter how small the issue might seem.

On the other hand, transforming deep hurts is rarely easy. Themes that come to mind when thinking about the practical process of moving toward forgiveness likely include some of the following: self-awareness, curiosity, the setting of healthy boundaries, empathy, self-compassion, and resilience.

In addition, we can certainly recommend exploring forgiveness through real life stories and all the other resources on our website.

Sometimes, it’s worth breaking down or approaching the process by considering different perspectives. For example, we can look at a situation from our own point of view and contemplate:

  • What kind of relationship would I like to have with myself?
  • How would I like to feel about myself and my life?
  • What are my values?
  • What kind of energy would I like to carry wherever I go?
  • Who am I, and how do I feel if, for example, I hold onto resentment versus when I release some of that energy?
  • Who can I turn to for help in connection with this process?
  • What is more important to me as the days, months, and years pass by?

Sometimes, holding onto resentment, clinging onto being right, and developing a hardened shell can help us live through a part of this process.

In other phases, we might be able to soften our approach, let some things go, and hold certain things a bit more lightly. This might require any number of conditions to be in place or to have occurred:

  • The passing of time after the event and a greater physical distance from the person whose behaviour we find difficult.
  • The setting of healthy boundaries—in other words, developing a sense of psychological and physical safety that allows us to loosen the tightness around an issue. The power of this is often underestimated, which can result in people staying stuck in resentment and a hardened attitude for years or even decades.

On top of the above, you might explore this process through another lens: asking whether you’d like to stay in contact with the person or people involved. If yes, what kind of relationship would you like to have with them?

Working toward forgiveness doesn’t automatically mean that you want to renew a relationship with someone whose behaviour you find hurtful. Forgiveness doesn’t equal reconciliation—but it can lead to it.

It’s worth asking what you can do to support yourself and what you might need from the other person to help you let your guard down again. For example, you might need an apology, time apart (such as going no contact for a while), or to see that the other person has truly changed their behaviour.

Sometimes reconciliation is possible, and other times it might prove to be a significant challenge—especially if the other person cannot provide what you need.

If the person who hurt you is no longer alive or they are not willing to acknowledge the pain they caused and apologise for their behaviour, there are still things you can do. These might include writing them a letter about how you really feel without sending the letter or writing an apology that you would like to receive from them. In some cases, you might have to let go of the hope or the expectation that the other person will ever change. This can be challenging but it might allow you to move forward.

Read Pardeep’s story

Read Brenda’s story

Read Chen’s story

Read Sue’s story

Read Aqeela and Calvin’s stories

Browse all stories

Scroll down to see all stories. Use the countries to filter the stories and click on any story to read more.

Browse all stories

Scroll down to see all stories. Use the countries to filter the stories and click on any story to read more.

Browse all stories

Scroll down to see all stories. Use the countries to filter the stories and click on any story to read more.

2023-09-08T10:06:11+01:00

Kemal Pervanic

"I didn’t decide not to hate because I’m a good person, I decided not to hate because hating would have finished the job they’d started so successfully."

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