In 2005 Mary Foley’s 15-year-old daughter, Charlotte, was murdered during a 16th birthday party in East London. In February 2006 18-year-old Beatriz Martins- Paes was jailed for life for the unprovoked attack. A year later Mary received a letter from her.

It was in the early hours of Sunday morning that the Police rang to tell me Charlotte had been stabbed. It was like being catapulted into this different world – but still death was the last thing on my mind. Even at the hospital, when I saw all these young people distraught and sobbing, it still didn’t sink in. It was only when three doctors came into the room that I knew something terrible had happened: “I’m so sorry, Mrs Foley,” one said, “but we couldn’t save her.”

I didn’t know what to do. I immediately went hot. I walked up and down the corridor of the hospital. I couldn’t believe it. For the days that followed I couldn’t function. People came to the house but I felt paralysed. I wasn’t sure any of it was real.

Finally, after two weeks, it sunk in that Charlotte didn’t just die, she had been murdered by Beatriz who was also at the party. But then I began hearing rumours that it was another girl’s fault – a girl who was supposed to have been at the party but never turned up. This girl had an ongoing feud with Beatriz and had made arrangements with Beatriz to have it out at the party. So Beatriz had come armed with two knives - all hyped up, smoking weed and ready to do damage. Unfortunately it was Charlotte that felt Beatriz’s wrath.

For the first few days I didn’t think about forgiveness. I just thought about my baby, Charlotte, not knowing she was going to be stabbed that night, and me not being there to hold her in my arms. It was very hard to swallow. I had so much hope for Charlotte. She was growing up into a beautiful young lady who wanted to be a social worker to work with young people. All her future promise was stolen from her and me.

Two weeks after Charlotte’s death, through a lot of prayers and holding onto my faith in Jesus Christ as my comforter and with the help of my husband, God gave me the grace and strength to forgive. I didn’t say anything to my husband or my family at that time because I felt they may not have understood. When I eventually told my husband, he said, “I’m going to get there too one day”. But for myself I knew that if I didn’t forgive, anger and bitterness would turn me into a person Charlotte would not have liked, or my family and friends for that fact.

At first forgiveness was about freeing me, because without forgiveness I felt I would have ended up a prisoner. I didn’t think much about the perpetrator. It was only in court, when I heard about the physical domestic abuse Beatriz’s mother encountered and Beatriz herself being exposed to that violent background that I started to feel some compassion for her and understood why she may have done what she did. But, there is no excuse for her, because she still had a choice and she alone made that choice.

Forgiveness relieved me of a burden I didn’t want to carry. It allowed me to use what had happened to Charlotte as a way to educate young people of the consequences of carrying a knife for protection.

Some months after the trial, Beatrix wrote to me saying she was very sorry and that she didn’t mean to kill Charlotte. She said it had been a moment of madness. I was pleased to get the letter and wrote back telling her I’d forgiven her. Later she sent a 14-page letter with more detail about her life and asking me about Charlotte. I was struck that both these girls had shared a couple of the same insecurities. So I wrote back again – this time telling her all about my beautiful daughter.

It was nearly a year before the next letter came and this one was different. In it Beatriz said that I was the only person who could help her. It was a real cry for help – a desperate letter. She’s obviously carrying so much pain and guilt. I now feel ready to meet Beatriz. It would help me and I also think it would help her find closure . She’ll be in her thirties when she finally gets out and I’d love her to have a great career, a positive mind-set and most of all value her life and other people’s lives.

Some people tell me I’m brave and strong - but others don’t say much. Although no one has come up to me and said: “You can’t have loved your daughter to forgive her killer” - I’m sure that’s what they think at times, and I understand that, because some people are disgusted by the very idea of forgiveness. It can seem like an act of betrayal. But, on the contrary, it’s an act of freedom.